Tough Stuff

Hi all! How are you? I hope you are all ok and having a great time.

I have been trying to write a blog post for ages and I just didn’t know what to say (write). And to be honest, I still don’t. But I missed my blog and I missed being in contact with you all this way. So, here I am.

I am doing ok physically. I finished the treatments, it was rough but it’s finished. I am slowly getting strong again, I feel less and less tired, and even though there are many things still not quite all right, I hope they will be with the time passing. I am waiting for a first checkup at the end of the month to see if I’m Cancer free or not.

Mentally, I am also ok. Most of the time. When I don’t think. When I do think about my situation, I get scared. I get confused. And angry. I am not scared of death, I am scared of the possibility to not be with my husband. I want to live this life with him a bit longer. There are so many things we would love to do together. I am confused because I don’t know how to act. I don’t know how to deal with all this. I used to be a control freak, I used to try to plan everything in advance, and now I am facing a life without any possible planning or any certainty. Well, hello me! There ARE NO certainties in life! Let it go! Live in the moment!

It’s hard. But I am trying to change my way of living and thinking.

And the ‘angry’ part, well I am not sure who I’m angry with. It’s not God, I trust God. But my best friend told me that I sound angry and I trust her too. I guess I am angry with Cancer.

Sometimes I wonder if all this has some purpose. Maybe there is something I have to learn out of all this? I hope it’s not a punishment because I truly try and always have tried to be a good person. Yes I’ve made mistakes, but honestly I never did anything with bad intentions. So a lesson maybe? Or is it just a coincidence? Just a random thing?

I just don’t know!

To tell you the truth, I’m still not trying very hard to figure everything out. Most of the time I try not to think about it. My husband is my rock, he supports me, he understands why I have to escape to my studio day and night. That is what makes me sane. My art. I spend hours and hours working, thinking about what to make, how to make it, what materials to use, and that’s my sanctuary.

I don’t have children, and after the Radiation therapy I never will. The hormonal therapies for infertility I’ve received throughout the years have probably added if not caused this crap I’m dealing with right now, and I often wonder what my legacy will be? What will I leave behind after I’m gone? But one wise woman told me that it is not children or material things that matter the most when we go, it’s who we made happy. I do hope I have made (some) people happy and I hope I will make (some) people happy.

And if nothing else, there will be a ton of journals left when I’m gone. 🙂

So, I am giving away this journal:

It has different papers inside, mostly my textured handmade paper.

It is a gift from a heart.

Thank you. Thank you for reading this, thank you for being a part of my life. Even if we’ve never met or never will, it doesn’t matter. You are all part of my life and we are all connected. And I am thankful for that.

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Some Updates

Hello lovely people!

First of all, I want to apologize to my blogging friends for not commenting on their blog posts enough (if at all). My Internet activities came down to my Etsy shop and a bit of Facebook. That is all I can do right now. It’s because I have no patience for long reads, or any reading except books, because I am ill. I have Cervical Cancer. I found about that around Christmas and since then my life has turned up side down. There have been days of despair and sobbing, but most of the time I have been and I am ok. Right now I am waiting for the treatment to start, Chemo and Radiation therapy, which should be in about a week. Yay. 😦

But, I have to do what I have to do and life goes on. I, thankfully, have a ton of things to do and a ton of things to make, I have been busy with my shop, and most importantly, I have my wonderful supporting husband and our two dogs to make me smile every day.

So that is why I wanted to apologize to you my friends, I am thinking of you, I hope you won’t forget me, I just need to go through all this the best way I can and know how, and hopefully I will be able to welcome Spring Cancer free and with a smile on my face.

But enough about that crap. Here is what I’ve been doing lately.

My studio is jam packed with all kinds of materials and supplies! I have been hording things for years, and even though I work and create and make all kinds of things, I still buy yarn and fabrics and paint, I still get things from people, things they don’t want and I DO want, I still recycle (even more), and I simply don’t have enough space for all those fabulous materials. That is why I decided to offer some of my treasures to other people so that they can use them and make fabulous creations with them. 🙂 Here are the kits that are in my shop (and I have many more prepared ).

The Black and White kit:

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You have the link above in the name of the kit, so I won’t explain the contents here, I will just say that I construct all my kits with great care, I try to make them big and filled with different things that buyers can use in several projects.

I also have a Blue and Green Kit in the shop:

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Again, a ton of things to play with!

There is also a Valentines Kit:

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Then this great Masculine Kit:

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You can’t see very well in these photos, but there are so many vintage pieces in these kits, some great papers, old or vintage embellishments, book pages, fabrics, yarn, I mean, I love them! I already decided that if they don’t sell for some reason, I will use them as they are and make some fabulous journals and small bags, tags, oh so many things!

Ok. I got a bit distracted. 🙂

There are also some smaller supplies/kits:

My Handmade Paper:

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Then another type of Handmade Paper:

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A small Blue/Green Embellishment kit:

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Small Red Embellishment Kit:

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And this lovely Pink and White Small Kit:

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This one was recently sold:

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As well as this kit:

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But there is so much more! I have more kits to add to my shop, but let me show you this gorgeous, (mostly) White Kit that I will hopefully add to the shop in a day or two:

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What I especially love to do is to use my handmade unfinished tags and book page bags to pack all these small pieces and yarns into. That way a buyer can use them in a project also, and I get a chance to recycle and help this planet a bit.

Anyway, I have been in and out of the hospital for the past twenty days or so, and I have a week before the treatment starts, so I am trying to work as much as I can and to stock up my shop. I will (hopefully) be home for the weekends in the next couple of months, and my husband will also help me with shipping the packages to buyers, so the shop will work normally. I do need that type of work/fun/amusement/thought distraction now. 🙂

I wish you all great day/night!

 

A New Journal

Hello lovely people!

I do have a new journal to show you, but first let me show you some of my paper bowls. I promised in my last post that I would. 🙂

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I do have more of them, but they are not finished. These were the first that I painted and varnished, and they turned out great, but then I switched to another project so the rest was left to wait for me to play with them some other time.

But I did finish this journal.

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I really love this journal. It is so wonderfully textured and industrial and rusty and just gorgeous! It has all kinds of papers inside, including my handmade paper, of course, and tags, pockets, booklets and tuck spots. You can find it in my Etsy store. 🙂

Have a great day/night everyone!

Good News and a Giveaway

Hello lovely people!

I have some great news to share with you – my Etsy shop is finally working again! I am slowly adding more things to it, but there are some lovely journals there already. You can take a look and tell me what you think. 🙂

So to celebrate that, I would like to give this lovely little journal to one of you!

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It is a small journal, about 4,5 x 5,5 “, but it is quite fat and it has hard cover, very textural and lovely, and a lot of pages inside, as well as pockets and tuck spots. There is also a clay piece on the cover as a decoration and a focal point.

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Do you like it? If you do, just leave me a comment and I will be back very soon (probably in about 5 days) to draw a winner. Also, if you wish you could leave a comment on my FB profile and that way you’re also in a game(although that will still count as one entry). 🙂

Good luck!

Treasures

Hello lovely people!

I just wanted to share with you a new and wonderful collection of treasures. It is so great to have friends who are willing to let you rummage through their old stuff and take all kinds of bits and pieces. 🙂 My dear friend took me to her late aunt’s house and told me to take whatever small thing I like! Imagine that! After screaming and going all “Ooohhh and aaahhhh” and almost peeing in my pants, I started collecting. Luckily we only had about half an hour to be there, because I would need a suitcase at least to put all the stuff in! 🙂

Here is what I found:

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The box above is kind of a piggy bank I guess. It’s leather and metal but has no key. Hmmm… How will I open it? 🙂

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All those keys and metal tags, light bulbs, rusty old things, also some not that old but perfect for altering and all just perfect for incorporating into my work! I was so happy when I found them and I still am! I also found this texture tool which is to die for! 🙂

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I also couldn’t resist taking home this dusty old box filled with papers and receipts from 1920’s till 1930’s!

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The paper is very delicate, damaged and brittle, but it’s history! It’s time preserved! It’s someone’s piece of life captured, and now that I came to the rescue 🙂 it’s going to be saved and loved.

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I can only imagine how old this rosemary is. 🙂

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I have to clean them all and prepare for another life in my books and journals. I feel as it will be a way to preserve them and most importantly to honor someone’s life. Even though I have never met that person, we have a connection now.

I’m Still Here

Hello lovely people! It’s been a long time since I wrote my last post, but I am here now, with something new to show you. 🙂

I’ve been knitting socks (but didn’t photograph them unfortunately), playing with paper and paint, making beads etc. All kinds of stuff. But mostly making journals.

Painting

Recycling

These are all recycled papers and packaging material, painted, stamped and stenciled, and prepared for the journal making. Even though you can see only blue pages in these photos, I’ve made all kinds of colorful pages. I decided to go a bit “wild” and use colors I don’t usually use, just for fun. And this journal came to be – “The Circus”. 🙂

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It’s made entirely out of recycled/reused materials and I love it!

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But this one is not going to be mine. I have too many journals already. 🙂

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This journal, as you can see, has all kinds of papers inside, and with so much texture and pages that are different sizes, with lots of pockets and tags, it will be fun fun fun to write in!

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So instead of making a Christmas themed journal, I decided to make a Spring/Summer one. Well, we all need a bit of color and warmth every now and then, right? 🙂 Next time I’ll show you another journal, and maybe more of the stuff I’ve made (if I remember to take photos, lol!)

Have a great day!

 

A Lovely Weekend and a Journal

Sunny Autumn days. Perfect for riding a bike! 🙂

Me and my bike

And going to less urban areas.

River

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Shells

Texture

But also great for making journals!

Handwoven fabric, lace, cotton, beads etc. Mixed papers inside. Hand and machine stitched, my big fat white journal, perfect for writing quotes and other inspiring things from the books I read.  🙂 My current “book stuff” journal is almost full, so this new one will be just perfect for that. Do you write down interesting stuff from the books you read? When I was about nine or ten, my mother suggested I should do that and I have been doing it ever since. I wish I also wrote down a title of every book that I’ve read, but I didn’t. 😦

Anyway, here are the photos:

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White Journal

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White Journal

White Journal

Have a great day! 🙂